Confronting Codependency: How It Steals Your Joy and What Yuliya Feldman Wants You to Know to Break Free

In the modern landscape of mental health and addiction recovery, codependency remains one of the most neglected yet harmful issues we face. Unlike the loud siren call of chemical addiction, codependency often whispers softly, weaving its way into daily life. It erodes boundaries, dilutes personal identity, and robs individuals of their autonomy. Yuliya Feldman, a psychologist originally from Ukraine and the founder of a private rehabilitation center, aptly describes codependency as “the silent epidemic that enables every other form of dependency.”

With over a decade of hands-on experience, Feldman has dedicated her career to not only guiding individuals through the painful thorns of substance abuse but also helping them unravel the deep-seated psychological patterns that underlie it. Her perspective is striking yet simple: “Addiction is rarely the root issue. It’s often the escape. And codependency is the prison we don’t even know we’re trapped in.”

**A Journey of Science and Heart**

Feldman’s academic journey began quite unconventionally in theoretical physics, a discipline that may seem far removed from the realm of mental health. Graduating at the top of her class from Kharkiv National University, she found herself increasingly drawn to the complexities of human behavior and emotional health. “Understanding the universe was fascinating,” she reflects, “but the urgency of understanding the human soul became all-consuming.”

This newfound passion led her to earn a second master’s degree in psychology at Kharkiv National Pedagogical University, graduating with honors yet again. Her thirst for knowledge didn’t stop there; she pursued postgraduate research and obtained her Ph.D. in Psychology in 2018. Certified as a coach and an NLP practitioner, Feldman skillfully combines scientific rigor with deep empathy in her work.

Since 2019, she has specialized in the challenging field of addiction recovery, working with clients confronting both substance and behavioral dependencies. Her tailored clinical and coaching approach has positively impacted hundreds of individuals as they traverse the intertwined paths of trauma, dependency, and self-discovery. Feldman’s work extends to families, young adults, and caregivers, often navigating high-pressure emotional situations where the threads of codependency run deep, yet remain unnoticed.

In June 2021, she took a monumental step by founding her rehabilitation center, “Rehabilitation-1,” in Ukraine. This center stands out for its integrated, humanistic care model that prioritizes psychological education, emotional boundaries, and personal autonomy. The programs incorporate tailored therapeutic plans, structured coaching modules, and recovery accountability protocols to create a holistic recovery experience.

Since its inception, many clients at her center have found the road to recovery. Among those who engaged in regular therapy during its inaugural year, numerous individuals—including former injection drug users and alcoholics—have celebrated over six years of sustained sobriety. Their success stories are a powerful testament to Feldman’s boundary-focused and integrative therapeutic approach.

In recognition of her invaluable contributions, she was honored with the St. Sophia Award in the fall of 2021, a prestigious national accolade in Ukraine aimed at highlighting efforts to combat addiction and foster effective rehabilitation practices.

Feldman is also a committed member of the National Psychological Association of Ukraine, where she works diligently to elevate therapeutic standards, supports national mental health initiatives, and heads professional development programs for aspiring psychologists.

**Understanding Codependency**

Often painted as mere “relationship issues,” codependency is significantly more intricate than being overly caring or loyal. Feldman defines it as “a compulsive pattern of self-sacrifice, emotional fusion, and indirect control, often masquerading as love.”

In the realm of codependence, one individual—be it a partner, parent, sibling, or friend—unconsciously slips into the role of rescuer or martyr. Their sense of self becomes inextricably linked to another’s issues, leading them to manage crises, assume responsibilities that are not theirs, and ultimately lose sight of who they are in the process.

“Codependency feeds addiction,” Feldman explains. “It justifies the addict’s behavior, shields them from the repercussions of their actions, and leaves the enabler feeling drained, resentful, and trapped.”

It’s essential to note that codependency is not indicative of a moral failing. Instead, it commonly stems from childhood trauma or emotional neglect—growing up in environments where love felt conditional or erratic. These experiences create patterns that linger into adulthood, shaping how individuals connect with others, set boundaries, and define their self-worth.

**From Awareness to Healing**

Treating codependent clients demands a distinctive approach, one that diverges from standard addiction therapy. Feldman focuses initially on awareness: guiding clients to recognize their unhealthy patterns without the weight of shame. “Awareness isn’t just the first step; it’s the bridge out of denial,” she emphasizes.

Her method centers around key pillars:

– **Boundary Work:** Learning to distinguish one’s thoughts and feelings from those of others.
– **Emotional Literacy:** Cultivating the ability to identify and communicate emotions without guilt or justification.
– **Rebuilding Self-Worth:** Realizing that love does not need to be earned through sacrifice or suffering.

Through workshops, personalized sessions, and rehabilitation programs, Feldman aids clients in reclaiming their autonomy, rebuilding their confidence, and redefining relationships in healthier ways.

The transformations she witnesses are nothing short of remarkable: individuals who once defined themselves solely through the needs of others start expressing their own desires and thoughts again. Parents who habitually took over responsibilities for their adult children learn to step back and nurture independence. Partners caught in toxic cycles begin to envision lives beyond mere crisis management.

**Cultural Blind Spots**

One reason codependency often goes unnoticed is that many cultures, particularly post-Soviet societies, tend to romanticize self-sacrifice—especially among women. Feldman labels this as “the cultural glorification of burnout.”

“We celebrate the woman who gives everything to her family, who tolerates endlessly, who forgives without hesitation. But we rarely consider the toll it takes on her,” she notes.

Within this context, therapy can be transformative. “Teaching someone to say no, to claim their space, to simply exist without guilt—this is not just personal development; it’s a form of social change.”

Feldman firmly believes in the crucial need for societal education aimed at early prevention. She advocates for the integration of emotional boundary training in school programs and workplace wellness initiatives, sharing her knowledge at conferences to raise awareness about the long-term psychological impacts of codependency.

**Looking Ahead**

For Feldman, codependency transcends a clinical framework; it’s a societal issue. Her mission extends beyond individual healing; she aims to educate entire communities—schools, families, workplaces—about emotional health as a shared responsibility.

She is currently working on developing group training programs for educators and parents, aiming to encourage early awareness of emotional boundaries and healthy relationship dynamics. Additionally, she is preparing online courses designed for global audiences interested in sustainable emotional wellness and boundary training.

“We need to stop teaching people, particularly girls and empaths, that their worth comes from disappearing for the sake of others,” she asserts.

Her message is straightforward and resolute:

“Healing from addiction requires us to address the whole ecosystem of relationships. The roots of codependency must not be overlooked.”